My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
