Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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