Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
