my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
