okay pat passed out under dana's car
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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