Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Green mimosas i think yes
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
