Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
