so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
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