i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Randomize
