kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Are my feet made of real feet?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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