i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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