My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Randomize
