Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
At least make sure they are 18
Why
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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