i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
