It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
