Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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