I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
COCAINE IS GR8
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
