I think im going to throw up on grandma
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
