So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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