sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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