we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
