I didn't shave. On purpose
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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