the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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