I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
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