You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
