Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
