I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
