White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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