I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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