My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
