I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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