apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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