I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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