I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
