South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
