You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
