Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
