either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
