i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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