Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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