I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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