Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
