I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
