god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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