I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
