just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
