so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
As shirtless as possible
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
