Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
