You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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