he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
