9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
