you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I take back everything I said about communal showers
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i think i just lost a toe
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
