I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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